Obviously I'm ecstatically happy with the results of my investigation, and would back the quality & integrity of my calculations right down to the last (Chicken Mc)Nugget. *


Conclusion 1 - We can clearly see that as Niki works harder, the population decreases. Following this line of analysis, if Niki were to expend 100% of herself every day for the next "n" months (where "n" equals Monday to the power of Tuesday, divided by the square root of Wednesday multiplied by Thursday, divided by Pi and then rounded up to the nearest Friday), there would eventually be no one left in Britain except her.

Conclusion 2 - As the population of Britain decreases, more "Niki's" are required to meet the extra workload. This is consistent across the whole country, as less people = more work per person.

Conclusion 3 - It is now possible to predict TOMORROW'S population of Britain (24 hours before it's occurred), simply by calling Niki & asking her how busy she's been today. This is accurate to the nearest half a person.






* Where, of course, "Chicken McNugget" equals "Bacon Double Cheeseburger" plus "Spicy Chicken McWrap", minus a hell of a lot of lettuce to the power of "Large Coke", & poured gently over a "Medium Fries"...